The Consequences of Education

I've been thinking quite a bit about what we are and do.

Right after DomCon last year, I addressed a human sexuality class at Portland State. After the class, a handful of students remained to talk, thank me, and look at my gear. But then one, during our conversation, challenged me: "Isn't that abuse? A healthy relationship is between equals."

I was honestly a little startled. I offered that, in any relationship, there are many inequalities - disposition, skillset, income, etc. - but good relationships are complementary arrangements. I cook, my partner washes up, I take responsibility for him, he obeys my authority.

What particularly struck me was that this question was lobbed at me from a self-admitted dominant-personality woman. I could see the wheels turning as she quickly conceded my points, yet she clung to "agree to disagree". She seemed conflicted, caught between what she had been taught and what she, perhaps, intuitively understood. Any domme who's worked with m/f couples, training the woman to dominate, has seen this struggle. I wonder what her internal dialogue was like in those next few days...

Show and Tell, College-Level

I gave an interview recently to a PSU grad student for her human sexuality class. Next week, I'll be addressing that class as a guest speaker. I'm told that I can bring some toys if I like (grin).

I wonder what kind of questions I'll get?

Presenting At DomCon 2011: Part 2

I have found a lovely demo dolly for my class, and turning my thoughts toward wardrobe and makeup selection is already beginning to excite me.

I get sensory flashes of corset strings taut in my fingers, of creamy lipstick swirled onto a brush, then stroked onto surrendering lips. My mind's eye focuses on the quivering backs of feminized legs that taper, stockinged, to gleaming, precariously high-heeled shoes... and my riding crop, ever ready to correct missteps or awkwardness.

I am planning only a few, incredibly focused days in Los Angeles, the better to curate my experiences to a gem-quality handful.

This is going to be fun.

Presenting At DomCon 2011

Big news, dear readers: I have been selected as a Featured Presenter for DomCon 2011!

My workshop, "Femme Fantasies: Crossdressing, from Sweet to Slutty," will be at 5:45 p.m. on Saturday, May 21st. Check the official site of DomCon L.A. for full location and schedule information. I'm planning to cover some philosophy and techniques for crossdressers and the women who wish to understand/control them.

This will mark my first time presenting at a convention, but I've been working up to this for a long time. I'm excited to finally cross the line from the informal individual/small-group coaching I've done to a more formal, larger-group class structure.

If you're attending DomCon, I welcome you to come to my class! And if you're available on that Saturday, and are brave enough to get primped and turned out in front of a group of likeminded ladies and gurls, volunteer to be my demo bottom (email address on my website, or comment here).

See you at DomCon!

It's (Becoming) Official: Kink is NOT a Diagnosis!

From the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom:

"In the new proposals for the DSM-V, alternative sexual behavior has been depathologized. The American Psychiatric Association's Paraphilias Subworkgroup's DSM revisions acknowledge that you can be a fetishist, transvestite, sexual sadist or sexual masochist without having a mental disorder. NCSF has worked very hard with its DSM Revision Project to make sure these changes take place, and will continue to strongly advocate for clear language of what exactly constitutes a mental disorder."

Read the rest of the story, with links to the publicly viewable proposed changes, on the NCSF site.

RACK vs. SSC

The play party is in full swing. You're standing by a bondage cross, watching a handcuffed sub take thirteen strokes of the cane, when a tall, dark-haired woman strides up to you.

"You look new. What is your name?" she asks in a silken voice.

Once you've both introduced yourselves, she leads you to a quiet corner to talk. She's interested in playing with you, and you'd love to submit, but you're nervous about disappointing her. She asks if you have experience with ________ , and you don't, but you're curious, and you want to try. So you lie and say, "Oh, once or twice... it was a while ago... it'll be fine."

If she proceeds without making sure you know all the risks, are you truly consenting? If you withhold information from her, is she truly consenting?

Consent is a fundamental part of the kinky credo, hence RACK and SSC (Risk-Aware, Consensual Kink, and Safe, Sane, and Consensual). BDSM is powerful stuff, and to get the most out of play, we have to respect it, ourselves, and each other.

Play smart, have fun!

Knowledge In, Knowledge Out

Well! My time away from this blog has been enjoyably chock-full, but one has to put down the crop sometime.

DomCon LA was May 7-11; the fifth anniversary of "America's Premier Professional and Lifestyle Domination Convention", and, yes, Mother's Day weekend. Joining me for her first 'Con was my new friend Domina Gabriella. We took a breath and plunged in: three days of workshops, panel discussions, and networking from morning to evening, capped with the DomCon Fetish Ball. I filled half a notebook, and had the pleasure of realizing how many of the Dommes I knew. For the Fetish Ball, I skinned into my copper latex sheath gown and black patent laceup pumps. Tight rubber and sharp heels: YUM.

The exhaustion was totally worth it (hotel room upstairs from the convention = necessity). slave babbette served "en femme" all weekend, bustling about in a wig that matched my own hair. He looked that little bit closer to emulating his feminine idol, his Goddess. Isn't that sweet?

I'm considering presenting a class or two at DomCon next year. My workshop series at Drake's got shelved when the performance space closed, but that's not the end of my desire to teach. Sure, it's nice to feel validated by sharing what I know, but vastly more important is that I share out of a respect for that knowledge. As was noted in the DomCon "Leather History" discussion, the motto in the leather community used to be "Each One Teach One". And learning along with my students is gratifying in itself. (Kinky teacher/student joke here.)

The stunning photos you see here are from a recent shoot with Gabriella's friend Smashley Walters.